the world inside my head

2009-08-09T17:14:00.002-06:00

umm wow...it's seriously been almost 2 years since my last post. i hate bloggers like me. i mean i rarely read them anymore, but when i do i want some new material! gees!!

phil has motivated me to blog again. i figure if he can do it 10 times a day, i can do it once a week or so right?? besides, i've missed my bullet points :) here's what i have to say today...

so yeah i'm getting married :) that's new information for my long lost blog!
i started school last week. i'm basically riding the fence between being excited about the new possibilities and reluctant to give up my awesomely carefree summer.
my current nickname at school is 'bookshelf whore' because i keep conning people out of their bookshelves. my goal is to turn my classroom into a virtual barnes & noble. anybody have any young adult literature they want to give me? if so i totally have a place for it!!
i miss ashiddy's blog posts...now that i have blogged, she owes me one...
i also miss her face...so she needs to come see me.
the light outside my apartment flickers on & off. it's really creepy. i honestly expect dumbledore to appear under it at any moment.
speaking of the 6th harry potter movie....it was disappointing.
speaking of movies that don't live up to their books...can't wait for new moon. i have high hopes.
it is impossible for me to take a sunday afternoon nap. i could be doing that now...instead i'm writing this.
i love my life. just in case you were wondering. it's phenomenal really. i'm surrounded by wonderful people who make me laugh. who make me feel loved. who are living proof that God loves me and wants me to be happy.

ruth is blogging? what?

2007-11-02T16:22:00.000-06:00

i can't believe it. i'm blogging. it's been forever. yes i have fallen off the face of the earth, but it's not so bad here... :) things have been insanely busy but in the best possible way. here's a brief synopsis:
i am officially a teacher. i teach 8th grade english. that's right kids. that masters in history functioning only to keep me on a slightly higher pay scale. oh and to teach my saturday class at pulaski tech which i am trying to remind myself to be grateful for. basically i spend my weekdays teaching, doing paperwork, grading papers, planning what i'm teaching next, co-leading my small group (sort of), spending time with my boyfriend and other friends, and worrying that i'm not doing everything that i need to do. hence not much blogging.
this blog is brought to you courtesy of the fact that we have 1.5 days off for the AEA conference which i decided not to attend. today has been fabulous. i slept until i woke up...which was 8 a.m. then i ate pumpkin pie for breakfast and watched 'the family stone' (which i love & set the dvr to record when it comes on again). i did some laundry, ran some errands, used a taco bell coupon for lunch, & watched 'calendar girls' while i ate my nachos bellgrande. gosh i love british people. since lunch i have uploaded songs onto my ipod, gone for a walk, listed items to sell on amazon, cleaned the laundry room, done more laundry, swept the floor, and cleaned the kitchen. days off rock.
the best part of it all is that i don't have to prepare for my saturday class. tomorrow i'm giving a test so all i have to do is show up. amazing. the only thing left for me to do today is go on a date with my amazing boyfriend. God is good. what else can i say?
i'll tell you what else i can say...it is officially FALL!! i love fall!! it feel amazing outside and i'm so happy to pull out the fall/winter wardrobe. i have officially fallen in love with starbucks mint hot chocolate. the stores have had christmas decorations in for a few weeks now and i have officially spotted egg nog in the milk section at kroger (along with chocolate mint milk and pumpkin spice milk...woof). i have already started listening to christmas music. i'm a freak. what else can i say? at least i admit it...and at least i haven't put up any christmas decorations yet...
anyway...hope all is well in your world.

2007-07-06T16:23:00.001-06:00

so i haven't blogged in a while. i would like to say i've been busy. but i would be lying. truth is i've been a bit of a bum (how's that for alliteration?). the most productive thing i've done since my trip has been to clean house. that took all of 2 days and i've been a lazy bum ever since. but i have done the following...
-watched:
mr. and mrs. smith
ocean's 12
episodes 1-6 of reunion
how to lose a guy in 10 days
first wives club
pride & prejudice
failure to launch
man on fire
transformers (in the theater - twice)
and more jeopardy and other random shows that i can watch via rabbit-ears than i care to mention.
- hang out with layne & other awesome people
- taken a random 32 hour road trip to dallas/southfork which included me getting very wet and muddy and me hitching a ride with a random girl i went to ouachita with who had no idea that we had that connection to an impound yard where we paid an ungodly amount of money to get my friend's car out after it had been towed.
- attempting to get in shape with pilates, an exercise ball, and lots of walking across bridges and around lakes.
- made my first batch of no-bake cookies in an attempt to deplete the enormous supply of oatmeal in my house
- learn to play/love dance dance revolution
- admire my rommate's engagement ring
- watch rebecca's bridal portraits be taken
- watch my nephew & a couple of other random people get married
- attend numerous going-away parties - lots of folks are leaving!
- make a few trips to pb to visit my mum
- get into the ntl program and attend one meeting that involved them scaring the crap out of all of us

so that's what i've been up to. eventful, yes. productive, not so much. happy? extremely :)

2007-04-22T17:38:00.000-06:00

so today i feel like a semi-productive human being. here's what i did...

- did pilates
- forgot to eat breakfast
- went to church (THE LATE SERVICE!!)
- went to eat with friends
- started a load of laundry
- charged my ipod
- subscribed to podcasts i've been meaning to subscribe to
- found my resume paper in the trunk of my car
- print out resumes
- allow jason's new kitchen paint color to grow on me
- take down this bit of surprise decorating by my roommate

- finish load of laundry which, in my house, looks like this

- finish this part of my sister's birthday present

- wrote this very detailed blog

...and it's only 6:45!! so in case you were wondering, my first day as a non-dillard's employee has been an astoundingly fabulous one!

2007-04-16T21:43:00.001-06:00

so, yeah. not so much of a blogger lately. the good news is, i kind of have a life now which is nice. and there's really not any bad news. hip hip. here's some sort of an update...

- my last day at dillard's is saturday. that sentence should be followed by a million exclamation points. i am so happy to be leaving. i'm not quite as excited as i thought i would be at this point, but i am still thrilled. i'm kind of mellow about the whole thing. again, i would like to reiterate the idea that if anyone hears me complaining of boredom, they should slap me. hard.

- i wish i could eat cheese dip every day of my life.

- i was off sunday. it was fabulous. i went to the late service at church. phenomenal is the only word i know to describe it. i then went to eat with the fabulously wonderful zellmer family and then proceded to curl up under my covers and read Anne Lamott for a few hours before going back to church and being surrounded by even more phenomenal-ness.

- and since i haven't really elaborated on this as of yet and i had mentioned in a blog before about being frustrated in finding a church, let me say that i love where i am. i am amazed really that i landed at summit. that this seems to be the place where God wants me. i really didn't think it would happen. but i love it. i love the speakers. i love the community. i love what i learn there. i love the fact that all of the aforementioned things interact to make me into a person that i like at the moment (most of the time) and inspire me to be more than that. it feels like home to me. i love that feeling.

- i leave for europe in a little over a month. i feel horribly ill-prepared to do so.

- school is out in a little over a month. i feel incredibly well-prepared to do so.

well i'm out. my shoulders ache (there's your bad news) and there is no good reason i shouldn't be in bed.

deuces

2007-04-04T22:26:00.000-06:00

i've been thinking a lot lately about how people (namely me) never seem to be content. regardless of income, people think they're broke. regardless of the number of responsibilities (or lack thereof), people think they're busy. i go on and on about how great my life would be if i had more time or a job that paid more. but odds are i will still find things to complain about.
that's where you come in.
it may be a few months late, but i'm making some resolutions. and WHEN i break them (i am a realist) i want you to remind me of them.

when i no longer work at dillards i will:

- exercise more
- read more
- watch more movies
- spend more time with friends
- not complain when i spend nights alone
- invest more time in people in general
- clean house more often
- be smart with my money (or lack thereof)
- not complain about my lack of money
- give my dog a bath
- swing on the tire swing in my backyard
- spend more time with my mom
- appreciate naps
- use my time to serve others
- make my house more home-y

if i come up with more, i'll let you know.
if you come up with some, please share them.
most of all, know that i am sorry for all of my complaining.
my life is amazing.
i am so blessed.
when i get obnoxious, please slap me.

2007-03-28T08:14:00.001-06:00

just in case you thought i fell off of the face of the blogging earth, i haven't. i'm just on spring break. and i kind of have a life now. who'da thunk it?!

here's a few things i felt like throwing out there...

- turns out God likes to spoil me rotten with really awesome friends. some of which show their love with blue coast burrito gift certificates. others do so by washing my 4.5 foot tall pile of laundry.

- so apparently my yard has leaves in it. i realized this when i came home the other day to find 5 bags of them at the curb. turns out there are even more that need to be raked. that was my project yesterday morning. i now have 1.5 blisters.

- did you know birds chirp at night? they do at my house.

- as it turns out, working 11-9 shifts at dillards isn't half bad when that's all you have to do in a given day.

- tomorrow, my real spring break begins. i'm off to nashville. nash-vegas. the home of country music and my former roommates chuck & whitney. games will be played. mexican food will be eaten. tattooes will be considered. diets will be forgotten. blue jeans will be worn, as will pajama pants. my wardrobe will fluctuate between the two.

- may your spring break (or week in general) be as wonderful...

2007-03-22T22:36:00.000-06:00

"Prayer is not asking for what you think you want, but asking to be changed in ways you can't imagine."
- Kathleen Norris

yes, please.

2007-02-27T23:21:00.000-06:00

i got tagged...apparently one person who tagged me requires 8 random facts about me and another requires 10. if you're lucky you'll get 10. we'll see. it shouldn't be a problem considering the fact that i am the queen of random.

1. in my last blog, i admitted that i listen to radio disney and, consequently, got fewer comments than i've had in a long time. i love all of you too.

2. i really like to paint.

3. on saturday, i'm teaching my class about the everyday life of women after the revolutionary war and how the colonies' quest for independence sparked a similar quest for women's rights. (doesn't that just make me sound ten times smarter than i really am?)

4. sunday nights are the highlight of my week.

5. water freaks me out. or at least large bodies of it do. oceans, rivers, lakes, all of them make me a little nervous. sometimes, swimming pools too.

6. i love making lists.

7. i am starting to realize how flighty of a person i really am. i change my mind about things (from what i want to do with my life to what i want to eat for lunch) 47 times daily. and somehow i get the impression that my friends knew this all along.

8. i am in desperate need of some blue coast burrito.

9. there is a 22 year age gap between me and my closest sibling. (ok so i realize most of you know that already but i'm running out of material)

10. i really want to go to africa. i've wanted to go since i was in jr. high. some people think that's crazy.

probably the same people who are hating on me because i listen to radio disney.

**i tag krista, kaylan, whitney, layne, kara, and anyone who, like me, loves doing these things.

2007-02-19T17:25:00.000-06:00

a few thoughts on my day off

- it is GORGEOUS outside!! yay for 60 degree weather in february!!

- elvis went to the vet today. they said he was the best behaved basset hound they've ever seen. and the prettiest. i am a proud parent.

- in other dog news, i brought the dogs indoors temporarily to enjoy a rawhide treat. melvin & eleanor are currently chewing away on theirs. elvis has abandoned his and prefers to stare at the two other dogs and whine as if he's being deprived of something. i might need to retract that 'proud' statement i made earlier.

- i have a confession to make...i love radio disney. there. i said it.

- i reminded elvis that he had his own rawhide to chew. he has chosen to do so.

- it is 5:10. where did my day off go?

- elvis has resumed his whining. oh well.

2007-02-11T23:15:00.000-06:00

it's official. i've lost it. after church tonight, darcie pointed out that i had on one brown shoe & one black shoe. it's bad enough that i left the house that way. it's another thing all together that someone else had to point it out. throughout the service (while i was standing anyway) i'd actually wondered if maybe one of my legs was shorter than the other. yet i never bothered to look at my shoes.
wow
sometimes i amaze myself

in other news...

- elvis is still barking at the tire swing. (see video) any suggestions on how to stop this? do i need to call cesar milan?

- i broke down and bought myself a new coat. i love it more than a person should love a coat. i'm considering it my valentine's day gift to me.

- i have a fabulous roommate who bought me a valentine's gift.

- i'm not one of those people who gets all bitter about valentine's day. the way i look at it, i'm missing out on a considerable amount of stress. and seeing as how i've spent quite a bit of the last few years surrounded by my friends and their significant others, valentine's day doesn't remind me of my singleness any more than my day-to-day life. and lately, when reminded of my singleness, i am immensely grateful of how un-complicated my life is. (most of the time anyway)

- i am 99% positive i am taking a paycut at the dillard. hip hip.

- i posted the end dance scene from little miss sunshine on my myspace profile. i've watched this scene no less than 10 times this week. i love it. if i don't have time to watch the whole movie, i'll just watch the end. sometimes i need to be reminded to quit worrying about what other people think and just be me (even if me is a bit ridiculous at times).

- i seriously need to go to bed.

2007-01-29T22:14:00.000-06:00

ok so it's been a while. not too much is newsworthy but i'll give you some of my famous (ok maybe not) bullet points..

- school is back in full swing. the kids have been nothing less than completely insane. i ask at least one kindergartener per day if he or she has lost her mind. two funny stories from today
(1) While writing the daily news during circle time (for explanation, ask the nearest elementary teacher), the teacher asked who had news to share. The girl chosen to share her news said, "A girl got hit by a bus. She died." the teacher chose not to write that one down.
(2) I was drilling one of my kids over her numbers today. I held up a flash card with the number 9 on it. The following dialogue followed:
Me: What number is this?
Student: P!
Me: [Student's name], this is a number. P is not a number. What number is this?
Student: Q-U-E!

- two things are hanging on the back of my bedroom door - my grad school graduation robe (i have no idea why) and my black coat. before falling asleep the other night, i realized that the combination of the two in the dark look an awful lot like the grim reaper is standing at my door.

- i went to the sister hazel concert on friday night. it was amazing as usual. it was the highlight of the month of january. if you haven't seen them in concert, you must. even if you have just a vague idea of who they are. my friend darcie went and (unless she's lying to me) thoroughly enjoyed herself.

- i'm teaching a saturday class at pulaski tech. there are 5 students in the class. while somewhat intimidating, the small number of students isn't a bad change from the 35-50 i had at asu. i should be preparing for this week's class as i type this. i'm still a procrastinator, even as the instructor.

- i need to go to bed. hang out with the grim reaper. i usually tell myself this every night about this time. it does no good.

- if you haven't seen Little Miss Sunshine, immediately drop what you're doing and go watch it.

- elvis has decided that the tire swing in our backyard is evil. he's started barking at it constantly. i should be posting a video of this on my myspace soon. seriously, i'm that ridiculous.

2007-01-09T22:23:00.001-06:00

sometimes you read things that really hit home. it relates directly to how you're feeling or what you're going through at that particular time. this has happened so often lately that God is trying to tell me something. and while it might not resonate the same way with you, i thought i'd pass it along anyway...enjoy.

"My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there's something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves."
- I John 3:18-20 (The Message)

"I don't think much surprises Him: this is how we make important changes - barely, poorly, slowly. And still, He raises his fist in triumph."
- Anne Lamott

"One secret of life is that the reason life works at all is that not everyone in your tribe is nuts on the same day. Another secret is that laughter is carbonated holiness."
- Anne Lamott

"Your sick worried mind can't heal your sick worried mind. Well, maybe your mind is lovely and pastoral and you do not suffer from paranoia, hypochondria, a bad attitude, and delusions of victimized grandeur. That is very nice, but we don't want you in our cave after the bombs fall, becauseyou are going to annoy us to death."
- (you guessed it...) Anne Lamott

"God doesn't want or expect you to get it together before you come along, because you can't get it together until you come along. You can spend half of your time alone, but you have to be in service, in community, or you'll get a little funny."
- Anne Lamott (can you tell i'm reading her book?)

"Why couldn't Jesus command us to obsess about everything, to try to control and manipulate people, to try not to breathe at all or to pay attention, stomp away to brood when people annoy us, and then eat a big bag of Hershey's Kisses in bed?"
- Anne Lamott (can you tell i like it?)

"...then I prayed that I could just keep the faith. I have a lot of faith. But I am also afraid a lot, and have no real certainty about anything. I remembered...that the opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty. Certainty is missing the point entirely. Faith includes noticing the mess, the emptiness and discomfort, and letting it be there until some light returns. Faith also means reaching deeply within, for the sense one was born with, the sense, for example, to go for a walk."
- Anne Lamott (last one...promise)

open letter to my place of part time employment

2007-01-05T22:09:00.001-06:00

To Whom It May Concern (Though I doubt it Concerns Anyone):

Seeing as how I am quickly approaching my 6 month anniversary of my employment with your company, I thought I would share with you my thoughts regarding my time there. I will express these thoughts in the form of bullet points because: a) this isn't exactly professional and b) i like bullet points.

- I must point out, as I'm sure has been done before, that the sales quota/commision-based system that you use is not a good one. I realize that you, as a corporation and therefore a faceless entity, do not care about the work environment you create for you employees as long as that environment results in a higher profit margin. Although at this point, I get the feeling that your profit margin isn't doing so great because you have had our managers encourage us to 'get brutal' on the sales floor. I do hope that you'll forgive my refusal to do so. The work environment is hostile enough without my contribution to it. Women are catty enough without their income being based on whether or not they or the the next associate get to ring up that pair of tights. i could go on about this, but i will refrain. I will only end by saying that when every employee of your store wishes they could quit because they hate to work there, you have a problem.

- Despite your constant drilling it into us, I refuse to believe that most of our customers want to be followed around the store. I am open-minded enough to believe that all customers do not shop like me (i.e. they want to be left alone because they truly are just browsing), but I cannot and will not believe that all of our customers come to our store seeking one certain item and want us to find said item for them as well as follow them around suggesting similar items. I have done extensive research. People don't appreciate feeling stalked. I, personally, do not appreciate stalking people which is what I feel like is somewhat necessary to reach my sales quota (for more of my thoughts on the sales quota, see bullet point 1 or call me when you have a half hour to burn).

- New employees are some of the most over-zealous, obnoxious people in our store. Your orientation has scared them to death and they feel that they must personally attack every customer that comes into their section. They are petrified of not meeting their sales quota even though they are not eligible for a paycut until their 6 month review (a fact you conveniently leave out of orientation) and their sales typically do not count for their first few weeks on the floor (another fact omitted during orientation).

- This newest batch of new employees have come with their own unique set of quirks. They are older than most of the girls associates and therefore feel that they have nothing to learn from us 'youngsters' even though we have been employed there much longer than they. When any advice is offered, they curtly inform us that they know exactly what they are doing (even though, in fact, they are doing it wrong). They are also of the opinion that their sales are more important than ours (keep in mind they won't be reviewed for 6 months - you see why this is important?) and so they refrain from helping us veterans do the menial tasks of preparing for inventory, doing markdowns, shutting down registers, etc. They will stand silently, like a statue, watching and waiting for a potential customer while the rest of us do as we've been told.
You might also want to inform these particular associates that they are not allowed to do the following (since they are currently of the opinion that these things are allowed):
* leave the store for half an hour while on the clock
* post their register and turn in their money before 'all clear' has been called
* perform the above action before the store is even closed

It is my sincere hope that you find the above information useful. And while I will not lie by saying that I have enjoyed my time spent in the employ of your company, I will say that working there has allowed me to meet some very nice people and I am eternally grateful to these people for making my time there more bearable.

Sincerely,
Ruth

P.S. The new cd of instrumental piano arrangements of elton john's music is a pleasant change from the constant sound of the beatles, abba, and no doubt.

happy new year

2007-01-01T02:45:00.001-06:00

happy new year! so it's 2007...holy crap

i'm going to break tradition and actually make a resolution or maybe a few...we'll see where this goes...

- rid myself of love handles (any advice would be appreciated)

- work less, hang out more (aka get one job that pays all bills)

- read more

- be less self conscious (aka stop worrying about what other people think)

- trust God more

2006-12-05T22:49:00.000-06:00

just catching up on some blog reading & realized it had been a while since i posted one myself. i was afraid you all might not make it through another day without my ramblings so i thought i would ensure your continued existence.

kindergarten is still going well. i love the little brats. they are too cute for words.

dillards is still dillards. i'm past my bitter ramblings (for now) about the idiocy of a commission-based sales system and the girls buyer. my only beef with the place now is that i have to be there 30-35 hours per week and that is 30-35 hours i would rather be somewhere else. this, however, is not dillards' fault and, as such, i am trying to not take my frustrations out on the establishment.

christmas is here. almost anyway. almost all of my shopping is done and i'm almost feeling the christmas spirit. i say almost simply because i'm not as giddy as i'd like to be. some say that it's impossible to enjoy christmas when you work in retail because you constantly come in contact with cranky people. this year, this is not the case for me. i have yet to come in contact with any truly cranky people. i think the one thing that is keeping me from being in the giddy christmas mood is the chance to sit down, watch white christmas, and drink some eggnog. oh and do some christmas decorating.

oh and i finished 'searching for god knows what' and must reiterate the fact that donald miller is my hero. seriously, if you haven't read blue like jazz (his first book), do so. immediately. if you are hesitant, let me know and i will explain to you in greater detail why you must read this book and possibly personally escort you to the nearest bookstore where i will purchase it for you.

i hope this blog finds all of you in the giddy christmas spirit. much love to all of you & thanks for the many birthday messages!

2006-11-20T22:54:00.000-06:00

night off from dillards + nothing to do = ruth sitting in front of the television with a $5 hot & ready pizza, a 2 liter of coke, some oreos & some milk.

it was a wicked good time.

movie 1 - Rumor Has It
food items - aforementioned pizza
beverage - coke (from a chilled 2 liter - poured over ice - 2nd best way to drink coke)
Reflection - reluctant to watch this movie after watching the Break-up not too long ago and being somewhat disappointed. i really thought i would like the break up and have no interest in rumor has it. of course, i had the opposite opinion of each. i am the complete opposite of my roommate in that i want my movie choices to have happy endings. the way i look at it, if my life doesn't contain sappy romance then my movies definitely should.

movie 2 - Pride & Prejudice
food items - oreos
beverage - milk
Reflection - just as fabulous this 447th time i've watched it as it has ever been. even my overly cynical roommate likes this one.

thus my night of extreme girliness comes to an end.

in other news, i'm reading donald miller's Searching For God Knows What - again he is my hero.

2006-11-18T12:44:00.000-06:00

31. i don't want a boyfriend, but i sure wish a guy would notice me every now & again.

32. i have an unhealthy addiction to clearance racks in clothing stores.

33. i love working in the ghetto. school vandalism and watching a fellow aide outfit a child in long pants and long sleeves when he had none does nothing but make my heart glad and make me feel like i'm in the right place. i prefer it to snotty suburban brats any day.

34. i like children's movies more than any adult should.

35. i am very excited that i found egg nog in the milk section of the grocery store the other day. i am halfway through my first half gallon. much more will be consumed over the course of the hollidays.

2006-11-01T22:16:00.000-06:00

sorry for the hiatus...please control your tears. here's a few more details of the randomness that is (or was) me.

26. if you should ever see my fingers moving randomly, it is because i am probably typing out the words that i'm hearing at that particular moment. obviously this is not literal typing, but, well, air-typing if you will. it is, yet another, ocd-ish tick i have. i hear words spoken or sung and my fingers mimick the keystrokes to type them. another form of this tick presents itself when listening to music and my fingers play the air-piano. this, however, is leaving along with what little is left of my actual musical ability.

27. the last spanking i received was when i was around 10 years old. my dad was expanding my closet and the floor in the closet was not yet carpeted. the lack of carpet led me to believe that it would be ok for me to eat a popcicle in said closet. i was wrong.

28. my nose & my toes are the first parts of my body to get cold and the last to get warm. maybe this is true of everyone. but i thought i would add it to my list seeing as how i'm freezing at the moment.

29. i hate water. i love to drink it, i don't too much like to be in it. the joke at my last job was that i was trying to drink all the water so i could ensure i never drowned. this isn't too far from the truth. i think i was scarred after a bad childhood experience at the pool.

30. i get to sleep in tomorrow. this makes me very very happy.

2006-10-18T13:51:00.000-06:00

21. i love pineapple upside down cake. my mom's best friend used to bring one over hot out of the oven every other month or so when i was younger. and it wasn't one with those big rings of pineapples either. it had crushed pineapple so there was pineapple in every bite.

22. today is my last day at my receptionist job. i am sad. i love these people. and i kinda think they love me too. i'm going to miss them. i will not miss people yelling at me nor will i miss being treated like i'm an idiot (by the patients not the people i work with).

23. i love newsies. it's a disney musical movie about some newsboys in nyc around the turn of the century. if you haven't seen it, you've missed out. it was a critical part of my childhood. i taped it once when we got one of those free preview weeks of the disney channel. the tape only got part of it and i cried. so i knew the first half of the movie by heart before i ever saw the end. i own the soundtrack too. it was also the movie that first bonded me to rebecca & christin. we would walk around camp singing the songs. christin took it one step further and learned the one of the dances.

24. speaking of camp (awana camp that is) - two songs come to mind. You are my Sunshine and Happy Trails. i don't know how Happy Trails came about, just that toby & mikey used to sing it. I'm pretty sure that You Are My Sunshine came from 2 main things: 1) my constant wearing of sunflowers perfume during those years of my life and 2) the fact that i would always sign my letters (and i wrote quite a few to the camp folk) 'love-n-sonshine'. cheesy. yes. still touched by the fact that the two of them sang it to me over the loud speaker the last night we were there. yes.

25. don't roll your eyes about awana camp. we rocked that place.

2006-10-15T20:49:00.000-06:00

The Next 5....

16. my mom used to make some of my clothes. this only went on until i was around 8 or 9. i'm not sure if she got tired of sewing or if i refused to wear what she was able to come up with. she mostly made me dresses. or jumpers (definition: sundress type garment worn over a shirt or blouse). i swear i spent the greater part of my childhood in a jumper. once she even made me a bubble suit (definition: one piece garment with very poofy legs & sleeves) out of what i now consider to be hideous flower-print fabric.

17. sometimes i feel like i'm just existing...like i'm not really living

18. i used to have a cat named tom.

19. i can say all of the books of the bible in one breath.

20. my roommate always refers to me by one of two names: bruiser or muffin.

2006-10-13T13:28:00.000-06:00

ok so i haven't blogged in 2 weeks whitney tells me. it is not for a lack of things to blog about...just lack of motivation to type about it all. maybe i'll get around to it one of these days. but until then, i have been inspired to do what my dear pal betty gail is doing on her blog. 100 things about me. as if the 3 people who read this blog don't know all there is to know. i'm going to try to make it random. oh well i think it's fun. so i will follow in betty gail's footsteps. from what people tell me, i'm going to turn into her eventually anyway :) today you get 15...

1. the house i lived in until i was 11 had green carpet in the front of the house and a yellowish shag carpet in the back.
2. i learned my first curse word from kim while we were sitting on top of a shed my dad built in our backyard.
3. my favorite place to hide when i was little was the dirty clothes closet we had. it wasn't a hamper. it did not have one of those nifty little fold down doors. it opened like a normal cabinet or closet would.
4. i talk to myself. i like to think it's a result of growing up as the only child in my house. chances are, i'm just nuts.
5. i really want to purchase a punching bag.
6. i don't make a habit out of stepping on lines or cracks in sidewalks. the whole "step on a crack, break your mama's back" thing really stuck with me. i've gotten better about it, but sometimes i still catch myself staring at the ground as i walk and walking so that i avoid the lines & cracks.
7. i love planners. a drug rep brought some into the office the other day and i got one. i usually get the urge to buy one when walmart breaks out the school supplies around back-to-school time. it's kind of stupid for me to have a planner seeing as i have nothing to plan. but i love my new planner. if you can think of anything for me to write in it, let me know.
8. i once owned a popple and a pogo ball.
9. i hate the sound of my own voice. but you'd never know it because i still use it often.
10. i've always wanted to live in a house with a window seat where i could sit & read. i would also like for my house to have a real front porch - preferably with a swing.
11. i am annoyed by suburbs.
12. my favorite books are memoirs.
13. every day that goes by i am more and more uncomfortable around the opposite sex.
14. "I prefer to not be an emotional basketcase." (direct quote from me at lunch today)
15. when i was younger, my dad had a garden in our backyard (even though it was in the middle of the city). i learned early on how to shuck corn, shell peas, & snap beans. even when we moved away from that house, mom & dad would buy fresh peas/beans/corn from people so the shucking/shelling/snapping continued. i kind of miss that.

2006-09-27T15:00:00.001-06:00

ok so it's about time i post another blog. let the randomness begin...
i love sweet tea. i'm drinking some of the leftovers from yesterday's drug rep lunch. it's real sweet tea and a very pleasant change from the typical unsweet + sweet & low combination.
have you ever just had the sudden urge to run outside & spin around in circles? or is that just me?

i'm going to south dakota this weekend and i'm pumped. i'm packing long sleeve shirts and maybe (gasp!) a jacket. i've never been to south dakota. there is a very good chance this will be the farthest north i've ever traveled. yeah i know i don't get out much.

[transition to deep thought]

i've been struggling lately with the issue of pride v. humility. we were talking about pride in my small group last week and the study we're doing really got me to thinking. there was this enormously long list of prideful characteristics, some of which were surprising to me (self-consciousness for one). one thing that became obvious to me is how prideful i am about my current job situation. as stated in the previous blog, i like my job; but i also am very self conscious about it. i'm somewhat embarrassed to tell people what i do. as much as i like my job, i look forward to the day when i can get a better one. so my issue is this - is it prideful for me to want a better job? i mean my first reaction would be 'no'. but really, by trying to find another job, am i not basically stating that this one's not good enough? as if i'm somehow 'too good' for this job?
i'm genuinely asking. i'd like some input here.

[end of deep thought]

did i mention i'm going to south dakota this weekend? i may just spin around in circles in the middle of an orchard. with my long sleeves & possibly my jacket.

2006-09-19T09:13:00.000-06:00

my daily routine at work consists of chart pulling, phone answering, blog reading, other internet reading, and (of course) eating. during today's reading, i ran across this article which i felt was worthy of passing aong. for those of you not feeling the need to use my cute little link above, i'll give you the short version - there are 3 questions which everyone asks which are virtually never appreciated and are always annoying: 1) have you graduated yet? 2)Are you dating anyone? 3)When are you going to have a baby?

while i acknowledge that all of the above questions are probably being asked out of pure concern or curiosity, it doesn't make them any less annoying. it doesn't change the fact that it's the 97th time you've been asked that same question. and it doesn't change the fact that after you've given your 97th memorized answer, the questioner gives you that same sympathetic look and tries to give you some sort of consolation.

at this point i must add a 4th question which i understand, while it annoys me, probably does not annoy the majority of the population: 4) What are you doing now?/Where do you work? at this point in my life, when i answer, "a cardiology office" the next question i get is "oh are you a nurse there?" to which i say, "no i'm a receptionist." at this point i get the aforementioned sympathetic look which is accompanied by a quizzical look that usually means the questioner is asking him/herself "didn't she spend umpteen years in school? didn't she get a master's? why is she a receptionist? what do i say now?" at this point i feel obliged to make the questioner feel better so i make a joke and maybe follow it up with a few lines about future plans that do not include me being a receptionist.

at this point let me say that i like my job. it's a good job. i get bored & spend hours on end on the internet and i don't get paid much but it's a good job. i love my coworkers. i love the patients (especially the old ones). i love the old men that carry their wives purses and the old women who bring us homemade treats. the only thing i do not like are the people who treat me like i must have an IQ of 3 to be a receptionist and when i obviously lose the respect of the aforementioned questioners because i didn't say "oh i've got a job at the smithsonian, didn't you hear?"

as much as i try to rid myself of it, i fear that part of me will always be a people pleaser. ugh.

so read the article. laugh because you know exactly what i'm talking about. and if i ever ask you any of the aforementioned questions - slap me.

2006-09-18T15:15:00.000-06:00

if anyone could explain to me why all of my links except for my myspace link work - please do so. i have no clue why it won't work. if you type http://www.myspace.com/ruthiepoo3 into the address bar, it works. i've rechecked the html 14 times. anyway. as rebecca has pointed out i have too many blogs as it is. and fewer people read this one than any of the rest. so it shouldn't matter....

but i still want to know why!

2006-09-14T14:53:00.000-06:00

time for some more bullet points!!

- i can't wait for fall! i am ridiculously excited for cooler weather, changing trees, and sweater-wearing. why? because i am ridiculous.

- the aforementioned excitement has lead to a temporary obsession with candy corn. i love it. i'm doing my best to keep it from rotting my teeth and making me fat because i now pay my own dental bills and have no time to exercise.

- i also love Wicked. not wickedness but Wicked - the musical. kaylan, krista & elise figured this out way before me. once again, i'm late on the bandwagon, but riding it now nonetheless. if you're ever listening to a little rock radio station during rush our and someone calls in commenting on this crazy person in a white camry singing animatedly while sitting next to them in traffic, that's me. i can't help it. i love it. again, i am ridiculous.

- if anyone wants to write oprah and make up some sob story about me so that she will fly me to new york and see the aforementioned musical on broadway (as well as a few others i could name), feel free.

- i'm running out of things to read at work. spider solitaire & i are renewing our friendship. feel free to leave suggestions of things to relieve my boredom.

2006-09-06T12:01:00.000-06:00

i know you are all dying to know how my labor day weekend went, so i felt obliged to post today so that you can finally get some sleep. it was quite fabulous, thank you. to be honest, i thought i would be let down. no offense, girls, but i had been so excited about 3 days off and a fabulous trip to austin, that i was sure it would never live up to my expectations. i am quite glad to report that i was wrong. for those of you who were not so fortunate to attend, i will give you the high points. for those of you who were, it will be a fun recap.
- hitting what seemed like rush hour traffic on I-35 at 11:30 at night in waco.
- a 2 a.m. visit to a restaurant whose name i can't remember where we did have to wait to be seated. after much contemplation over what to order, i finally made the comment, "i'm really not that hungry but i guess i'll get a breakfast platter, eggs over easy, with bacon. oh and chocolate milk."
- going to sleep at 4 a.m. and being woken up by whitney at 9:30 a.m. by her trying to shove a piece of fruit pizza in my mouth.
- haircuts by kaylan & makeup by elise (as evident in the profile picture) for our going out on saturday night
- eating at chuy's which involved awesome salsa, queso, and a buritto that truly was bigger than my face.
- picture taking at the capitol and other downtown fun
- road trip to Gruene with 4 in my backseat which included numerous sessions of singing at the top of our lungs only to be disturbed by random cop sightings.
- the filming of a jerry springer-esque show about a love triangle from a small texas town. the characters included two pregnant women, the man in their life, a rabbi and a quirky midwife. i'll let you guess which part i played.
it was a fabulous weekend. one where i was fully conscious of how wonderful it was while it was taking place (which is always nice). during a time where i'm not always comfortable in my own skin, it was so nice to drop my inhibitions and feel like myself again. and even feel kinda pretty. you girls are fabulous and i love you. let's do it again next week.
in other news, dillards is - as always - a barrell of laughs. my nemesis (one of them anyway) has been moved to another section. my favorite coworker has decided not to quit. a new employee got arrested on monday. i am now one of two people working in my section that is not pregnant and i am the only one without a child. i'm surrounded by an insane amount of hormones. i am also realizing that i am not nearly as perceptive as i thought. apparently my manager is 4 months pregnant and missing part of one of her fingers. the new girl pointed this out. how did i miss that?
i guess that's all for now
gailey out

2006-08-29T14:53:00.000-06:00

my move is complete. well almost. all of my things are now contained in my new house as opposed to my old apartment but they haven't exactly found their place yet. i keep thinking that they will find their places on their own while i'm at work but so far they have not seen fit to help me out in that manner.

elvis enjoys his new yard as well as his new playmates. madea has been a different story. when i first brought her to the new house, i put her cage outside on the porch because i thought she would be more amused out there and that her squawking would be less of a nussaince. it turns out that i was right. she did seem to like being outside and she didn't squawk as often. she loved the outdoors so much that she decided to exit the cage completely - utilizing the holes where her food & water bowls used to be (oops). now, call me a bad pet owner, but i wasn't too upset at the loss of my bird. she was pretty & could say 'hello' like a champ, but i just really wasn't that attached to her. i left madea's cage door open in case she should decide to return, but figured that she probably would not. the next morning, as i was brushing my teeth, i heard her squawk, but assumed she was up in one of the trees and thought nothing of it. then the squawk changed. i looked out the window and saw madea in eleanor's (one of the dogs) mouth. i immediately ran out of the house, toothbrush in hand, and rescued my bird - all the while feeling horrible that i had not cared when she escaped. to make a long story a little less long - madea is fine. she was a bit shaken up (no pun intended) but she is fine. and for even further proof tha God loves me and my pets, a friend from church has found my dear madea a new home. as of today she will belong to a retired couple who i'm sure will be much better parrot-owners than i.

in other moving news, my new rommate has been quite helpful in helping me decorate my new room. i came home one night to find a ginormous (pronounced ji-nor-mus) toboggan-clad gorilla under the covers of my bed. i have also found random pictures of friends, wolves, and ex-boyfriends on display. last night as i prepared to go to bed, i found that she had blown up a certain old picture (to poster size) and plastered it to the ceiling above my bed. i crawled into bed, too tired to remove the new ceiling decoration, only to find that she had plastered a smaller copy of the same picture to the back of my bedroom door. i did the only thing i knew to do: i curled up beside the gorilla and went to sleep.

leaving for austin in a few days. words cannot express my excitement. it will be the perfect break from my 60+ hour work weeks.

2006-08-23T09:14:00.000-06:00

so laura blogged on our capitol experience as well. as usual, her way with words is much better than mine so if you're bored at work as i am, feel free to check this out.

holy crap i've never done a link within a word like that. i think it might've actually worked.

yesterday our server went down at work. yet another link in a long chain of problems we've had with our system lately, but this one was tragic. it left me without internet for a half day. i didn't know what to do with myself. i played 47 games of spider solitaire. i spun around in my chair. i text messaged randomly. the afternoon plodded along. thankfully the problem has been fixed (obviously). somehow i think i would've gotten in trouble if i brought a book and started reading it to relieve the boredom. shallow entertainment like the internet & people magazine are allowed but not books - not that i know of anyway.

now that my internet has returned, my yahoo messenger music is back. i recently inherited (ok so i stole them) speakers from a fellow employee that couldn't get them to work on her computer. music makes the day go faster. hence its absence yesterday added to the longevity of the day. i have long since reached my limit of my launchcast trial and now am unable to skip the songs i don't like. this means that i am subjected to more and more artists such as cher, the carpenters, and many more people that i've never heard of in my life. however, i will not complain. any music is better than silence or the tapping of keys on a keyboard.

in other boring news from my life, i have bought elvis a new crate. this has been a much longer process than was first intended. i first decided to buy this new crate so that i would have a few more inches of space in my new room. let's just say i gave his original crate to a coworker with a rottweiler. i bought a smaller crate from walmart (because i'm cheap like that) and brought it home where it became painfully obvious to the both of us (especially elvis) that this 24" crate would not hold his long basset hound body. the failure of this crate meant that i must put aside my cheapskate ways and go to petsmart because they are the only sellers of the 30" crate. so to make a long story a little less long - 48 hours, 2 skinned knees, and 1 turned ankle later(ok so i kinda fell carrying the 30 incher to my car), elvis has a smaller crate that he actually fits in.

moving this weekend. i'd invite you to come see my new place but i won't be there much. but feel free to come see me at dillards on any given weeknight. weeknights are boring and therefore very conducive to visitors.

i'm being accosted!

2006-08-18T09:14:00.000-06:00

i'm trying to put a picture in my blog. hope it works. the supposed above picture was taken last night when i hung out with my grad school buddies laura & travis. it was a night full of laughter and a bit of insanity. my idea of a good time. what you cannot tell by this picture is that it was taken in front of the state capitol. we hung out there for an hour or so. i kept thinking we would be asked to leave considering it was 10:30 at night. we weren't. laura was somewhat disappointed. we ate some Tamolly's (and yes i spelled it correctly) and made fun of cheesy sexual harrassment videos that we've all been made to watch since our entrance into the real world (hence the blog title). it's a good thing that laura & travis have seen said videos because both have experienced it first hand. i, on the other hand, have not and am struggling between feelings of gratefulness and those of being left out of the loop. kidding.

so the age old question has now been answered. what do three people with their master's degree in history do when they're full of mexican food? they go hang out at the state capitol and take random funny pictures.

an open letter to my fellow dillards employees

2006-08-16T09:11:00.000-06:00

Dear Co-Workers:

The last few weeks have been interesting to say the least. I feel as if I am finally getting the hang of things. However, I wanted to address a few issues that seem to need addressing.
First of all, to the employees who shall remain nameless that have been employed by dillards for what must be decades. I would like to make it known to you that I have not made it my life's goal to steal your sales. I do not have an evil plot to ensure that you do not make your sales quota this month. Please do not treat me as if I am threatening to do so. I am not trying to invade your territory. I'm just trying to make sure my bills get paid.

I would also like to point out that, if you've noticed a drop in your sales, it could be because you stalk every customer that enters your area. While many customers do like some assistance as they shop, they do not like for you to follow so closely that you bump into them when they stop to admire the polo essentials collection.

To the rest of my fellow employees, I would pose a question. First let me say that it is my understanding that I am not to compltely shut down my register until the 'all clear' announcement is made. So my question is this: why is it that when the aforementioned announcement is made, i immediately see every employee making their way out the door? Now I realize that it could have everything to do with the fact that for the past two nights I've had 3 or 4 registers to close on my own. It may also have something to do with the fact that I am fairly new at this and am unable to print & sign a slip as well as remove & replace the journal roll in 3.2 seconds. However, I have the feeling that I am just missing out on something. Please fill me in at your earliest convenience.

In closing, let me say once again that I am not your competition. I am not aiming to make salesperson of the year, month, or week for that matter. I look forward to getting to know each of you and hope that each of you can look put the competition aside and do the same.

Sincerely,

Ruth (Girls Dept)

2006-08-11T10:39:00.000-06:00

i've had a whopping 2 requests for a new blog this week which means that, contrary to my prior belief, people do read this thing. that is so exciting! now i just have to figure out what to write about.

i've taken a part time job at dillards with my buddy darcie. this is crazy for three reasons: 1. i am no salesperson 2. i am way too cheap for dillards and 3. i am required to dress up
yet it's not been too bad so far. i'm sure the people at my full-time job appreciate that i don't come to work looking like a homeless derelict everyday and that they are thrilled to know that i do, in fact, own make up. i'm still no salesman so if you have any little girls or baby showers to buy for COME SEE ME. i'm not ashamed to beg.

i've renewed my love for chick fil a. ouachita made me hate it but now that it is park plaza mall's best food option, i have decided that it's not so bad. however, i must share that as i was sitting down last night to enjoy my chicken sandwich, i dropped my coke and it went all over me, my table, and the floor beneath my table. i must also point out that this was BEFORE i clocked in to work at dillards.

only me
but i've decided not to hold it against chick fil a. they can't help it i'm a klutz.

2006-07-27T08:27:00.000-06:00

there have been several additions to my previous post's list of how you know i was raised by senior citizens. they are as follows:
- i had a 10:00 weekend curfew
- i was not allowed to wear black until i was 10
- a sunday night after-church dinner consisted of sardines, canned salmon, vienna sausages, crackers, peanut butter, & cheese

and another clarification: mike huckabee has not officially announced that he is running for president. it just really looks that way.

it is july and my snack of choice here at work is hot chocolate. if you knew how cold it was in here, you'd understand. it's best when accoompanied by frosted animal cookies.

why are so many of my posts about food?

it's official. i'm going to europe next summer. words cannot contain my excitement. seriously. i've wanted to go to europe since i knew where europe was. and that was a long time ago because i was a very intelligent child.

ok maybe not. but my mom sure thinks so.

i've gotten to hang out with some friends and their babies lately. that's right. when you get to be my age, quite a few of your friends have babies. when i was 21-22, all of my friends were getting married. now they're all having babies. when they got married, i was jealous. now, not so much. i sure do love to play with those babies but i also enjoy giving them back to their mothers.

well that's about it for now. time for some hot chocoalte & animal cookies.

2006-07-17T15:25:00.000-06:00

another week has begun. i smell like gasoline because when i went to get gas on my lunch break, the pump started pumping before i told it to. i'll let you in on a little tip: gasoline is slippery when it's on concrete - especially when you're wearing slick-bottomed walmart shoes.

so mike huckabee's running for president huh? i'm still not real sure of what i think about that but i do like that he said this -- “I earn the right to push for a strong pro-life agenda only by making sure I’m concerned about poverty, hunger and homelessness. If I don’t care about those issues, then my faith is incomplete.”
and this -- “Do you care about a kid who is hungry? Do you care about a family that lives in a shack without running water and a sewer that runs out the back of their house? If I don’t care about that, I don’t have the right to care about abortion. I’ve not earned the right to talk about the structure of the family.”

the following was inspired by a comment by my roommate this weekend...

How People Know I Was Raised by Senior Citizens

1. I'm cheap.
2. I like spice cake.
3. When I was in 4th grade, I could frequently be seen wearing teal pants with a matching collared shirt with generic keds.
4. Although I lack some of my mother's conviction, i do believe certain things go together and certain things do not. e.g. milk is the only beverage that 'goes' with peanut butter & jelly sandwiches while a soda may be drank with any type of lunch meat sandwich. This differs from my mother's philosophy in that i do not consider it a sin to eat potato chips with a pb & j.
that's all i can think of at the moment. i'd be happy for your additions to the list...

2006-07-07T10:06:00.000-06:00

good grief i wish i had something to post about.
i've been house sitting this week which has been fabulous. i've spent almost every day in the backyard in or beside the pool. so i know that you're thinking that i must have an awesome tan by now. you would be so wrong. my body has ceased to tan. my skin is on strike. it doesn't burn. it doesn't tan. it does nothing.
you know how i always write about random nothingness and always save the real stuff for a later date (which never comes around)? today is the day...fasten your seatbelts...
my job search has ended. not that i've gotten a job because i haven't. i've just quit looking. i've pretty much decided that i want to find a teaching job but the deadline has passed for me to get my certification so i feel like it's time for me to just sit tight and be content where i am. and i am content where i am. i like my job. i like my coworkers. what i don't like is the money i make (or the lack thereof). this sounds so superficial. i hate that i feel this way. i hate that my current desire is to make more money. but it is.
now that my main job search is over, i've considered getting a part time job. in the fall, a part-time job will be a necessity, but i've considered getting one now. don't get me wrong. i don't want to go buy a lot of stuff (although i have a weakness for the clearance rack at any given clothing store and amazon.com). i just don't want to stress out about whether or not i can afford to go do things with my friends when they want to go. i want to be able to give more freely to causes i believe in. these things make me feel justified in wanting a second job. yet other times i feel that i'm being shallow and that i should just try to live more simply. i feel like i'm on a seesaw. more than anything i want to be rid of all the hassle that comes with money (and the lack thereof).
anyway. that rant is over. other than the ping pong match going on in my head, my life is great. had fun times with friends this week. had some great sleep in an awesome bed. drank a lot of coke (and sadly it shows). my sort-of-vacation will end tomorrow. while it has been fun, it will be nice to not go to work looking like i dressed myself in the dark (i never could seem to get the things i needed from my apartment when i went there) and to exercise away the weight i've gained this week.
guess i had something to post about after all.

love

2006-06-27T12:38:00.000-06:00

i've decided that i have to post at least once a week. if i don't...fewer people will read this than already do and that's just pathetic. this is why i post random nonsense. so that people will occasionally return to my blog knowing that i have not abandoned it. and who knows, maybe one day you'll get something worthwhile (but not today).

blogs during the summertime are like emails over the weekend - nonexistent. everyone is off doing more fun & exciting things. i am too whenever i leave the confines of this office. but while i'm here, blogs are my entertainment. and my entertainment is scarce these days. i would give my right arm (ok maybe not) to be able to read a book during my downtime. i've broken my cardinal rule of not starting one book until i've finished another one. perhaps 'broken' isn't the right word - 'shattered' might be more appropriate. i'm part-way through each of the following:
- House Calls & Hitching Posts (about a doctor who practices among the amish)
- Speaking My Mind by Tony Campolo
- Real Sex by Lauren Winner
- Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen
- In the Shadow of the Almighty by Elisabeth Elliot
- God of All Comfort
- The Beloved Disciple by Beth Moore (i only made it to the 2nd or 3rd chapter of this one)
- Cold Sassy Tree

good grief that's worse than i thought. see, if i could read at work this would not be the case. and if i would turn off the blasted tv at night that might help too.

i am taking a break from the job search. it exhausts me. and, in the ultimate of all ironies, i have decided that maybe i do, in fact, want to teach. and i've come to this realization a bit too late considering that the deadline has passed for getting my non-traditional teaching license. all that being said, i've decided to have a go at being content where i am. i've actually enjoyed my job & my coworkers a lot more in the last few weeks. i am embracing my inner-receptionist. i am assuming that since God has not provided an escape from this job, He must want me here so i'm determined to make the best of it.

blogs and random gifts of money always appreciated. :)

2006-06-16T14:17:00.000-06:00

back again. and i think i'll use bullet points again.
because i love them, that's why.
- this week i've seen what i guesstimate to be 2/3 of the most recent Bridget Jones' Diary movie. i'd read that renee zellweger had gotten tired of people asking her about what it was like to gain weight for the film. now i understand the curiosity. i would guess she weighed 10-20 more pounds for this one than the first. it was odd to see that usually-tiny woman that size. and to know it was really her. as i watched the movie, i found myself cringing - often. it seemed as if every ten minutes, she was getting upset at mr. darcy for one thing or another. she had a way of making the best situations incredibly awkward. and it seemed all of this stemmed from her insecurity. i saw myself in her entirely too often (hence the cringing). and it occurred to me that most movies contain characters that most of us wish we were like. these characters aren't perfect, they're always flawed in some way; but yet still manage to be admirable. and we love that. we want to think we can be flawed yet admirable too. and bridget jones rubs me the wrong way mainly because i haven't gotten to the part of the movie where i can admire her. all i see are her insecurities and all i hear are the idiotic things that come out of her mouth. maybe the movie ends with her doing something admirable or at least learning to shut her mouth on occasion. i hope so. either way, i'll try not to see Bridget Jones or her movies as a metaphor for me and my life. cause that's just pathetic.
- the chocolate milk that i spoke of in my last blog may not be the fabulous completion of my liquid diet triforce afterall. it seems to have an unpleasant effect on my person which saddens me greatly. my love for it will never die.
- the last line of the above paragraph should serve as proof that the boring nature of this job is affecting my brain.
- last night at the store i was thrilled to find that my favorite cookies were on sale. further proof that God loves me and wants me to be happy.
- today is linda's last day at work. that means as of monday i will be this clinic's longest current office worker. this is odd because i've only been here 6 months. me and my remaining fellow office worker decided to send linda out in style by pulling pranks on her on her last day. we screwed with her desktop icons, made her taskbar disappear, adjusted the height of her desk chair, and (here's the kicker) we took today's charts and rearranged them so that they were out of order. she hates that. she was the closest to mad as i've ever seen her. she thought she was losing her mind. then she blamed the cleaning staff. we eventually came clean. it was the most excitement this office has seen since...well since i've worked here and maybe even before that.
- it's friday

2006-06-14T14:29:00.000-06:00

more thoughts brought to you in part by my boredom...
- are all job interviews as tedious as the two i've had here recently? do all professional job interviews involve a 30-45 minute gruelling question & answer session where all of my answers are written down by men & women with little or no people skills? how do people think they could possibly get an accurate description of me by grilling me and then sending me on my way?
-if anyone can suggest a way i can get sonic's diet cherry coke given to me intravenously, it would be greatly appreciated. i love that stuff. i could drink it every day. of course, then i would be broke. and considering my luck with gruelling job interviews, this fact will not change any time soon. pair the drink with some mozzerella sticks with marinara sauce and i am in heaven.
- speaking of food, i am starving. my short-lived funk is gone and my appetite is back with a vengence. our kitchen here at work contains 6 sam's size jars of peanut butter (3 crunchy/3 creamy) and, sadly, no crackers. so unless i feel the need to eat peanut butter from a spoon or slather it on some hamburger buns from yesterday's drug rep lunch, i'm out of luck.
- i also have recently developed an insatiable craving for chocolate milk. i think that if i had a never-ending supply of Sonic's diet cherry coke, chocolate milk, and water, i might be able to give up solid foods for a solid week at least.
ok maybe not.

2006-06-09T12:27:00.000-06:00

the boredom continues. and believe it or not, i'm actually tired of filling out surveys. i've informed the general population of enough of the inner workings of the craziness that is ruth.
and yet i'm posting another blog.
but to be perfectly honest, i have very little to say. i think i'll do some bullet points, since they are the most fun. hold onto your hats kids, they will contain much randomosity.

- boys stress me out. their mere presence stresses me out. it's not their fault. it's mine. i can't even explain it. but a nunnery has never looked so good.

- i still haven't unpacked from my vacation.

- everyone should visit a mental ward at least once in their life. everyone should witness an old woman in a purple bathrobe wearing pearls, yellow socks, and black pumps and carrying her purse down the hallway. if you can't find a way to balance the humor as well as the sadness of it all, then we probably cannot be friends.

- i have a new water bottle from the Smithsonian. it's awesome.

- i am at a loss for what to read next. i've actually started several books but don't necessarily care to finish them at the moment. if you have any suggestions, feel free to share them. if you are willing to loan me the book, even better.

- i didn't eat lunch when i went home today. i chose a nap instead. however, this is not condusive with my normal eating habits as i typically scarf down everything in sight whenever given the opportunity. now i am hungry and contemplating what to get from the hospital cafeteria (i even get a discount since i work here). i will be taking suggestions on this also.

- i watched part of the first game of the NBA playoffs last night. i think i could really get into basketball. i am normally bored silly by sports on television but i was actually getting into last night's game. dirk noworski (or however you spell it) is my boy. he doesn't stress me out because he's far away & on television.

that's all for now kids

2006-06-05T13:13:00.000-06:00

well i'm back. i went on my first real vacation in who knows when. i kept telling people i was going to DC. that was a lie. well not a complete lie, but i technically only spent one day in DC. we stayed in maryland and perused chesapeake bay, DC, and virginia. saying DC is just so much simpler.
to give you the short version, it was a fun trip. i laughed really hard and often. mostly at my neices. for one have more rhythm in their pinky fingers than i do in my entire body. and secondly because every other word that came out of their mouths was hilarious. we rolled our eyes at jordan a lot (he thinks he's hilarious) and we did a lot of nothing. it was relaxing. it was nice. it made me dread my job a little less. and it kept me from stressing about the job interview i had before i left. i came back slightly fatter because i left my diet in arkansas, but i will hit the pavement again after work today.
as usual i have other things i'd like to post about but i will save it for later. but i will leave you with some pictures...well i was. i've uploaded the 2nd one 47 times and it hasn't worked yet. you'll have to make do with this one.

2006-05-11T13:27:00.000-06:00

the boredom at work this week has been mind-numbing. seriously. i've checked every blog i know. ok to be perfectly honest i've checked them 3 times apiece in the last hour. this is becoming pathetic i know, but i don't know what else to do. i've mastered the 1 suit spider solitaire level. i'm afraid to move up to 2 suits because i know it will kick my tail.

i've got to start walking/running again. please harrass me about this. not only have i refrained from doing so the past few weeks, but i have eaten more horribly than usual. case & point - last night after work i ate this scrumptuous concoction tommy made that included shrimp, rice and spicy wonderful-ness which i, of course, washed down with a coke. wait, make that two. then my roommates pursuaded me to make a cake which i, of course, ate part of myself complete with yarnell's ice cream and a glass of milk. a few hours later i was headed to bed but then realized that i had wet clothes in the washer and dryer so i needed to stay up a bit longer. this was ample reason to have another piece of cake (with milk). ugh...i hate my lack of willpower. so please feel free to harrass me and call me names if i don't walk off at least some of the millions of calories i consume in a given day.

despite my boredom, or maybe because of it, i cannot think of another random thing to write about. ok that's a lie because i have many thoughts running through my head at any given time. eventually i plan to share my thoughts on the da vinci code. the title of that post will be 'i've never heard of anyone becoming a christian because of a boycott". my mind has been so numbed by my boring workday that i cannot handle such a post this afternoon. so until i am able, you'll have to settle for my random, mindless thoughts.

2006-05-08T12:28:00.000-06:00

so it's time for the weekend update. not with tina fey and the blonde chick who replaced jimmy fallon, but the post that i generally write every monday regailing all of you with the events of my weekend. this weekend was more worthy than most of such a post. so here goes.
i'll skip over friday since the most important part of it was my blind date which i don't care to regail you with. i promise you're not missing much. long story short. p.f. cheng's. a whole lot of talk about nothing in general. a lot of people harrassing me about it afterwards. but the redeeming part of the evening took place when my roommates and i watched 'The Family Stone' which was nothing short of fabulous but kept me awake til 1 a.m.
saturday morning i did the unthinkable and woke up at 5:30 a.m. this is a sin in all 50 states but i did it anyway. all for the sake of the sunday school garage sale. laura & i braved the early hours together. we ate entirely too much cinnamon toast and one too many apple turnovers. we sold $300 worth of absolute junk, but not to worry, we bought a few momentos for ourselves. laura blessed me with decor for my new room. two wolf paintings, a wolf picture, and a wolf throw. her next project is to make some dreamcatchers to hang. there are lots of pictures of this experience, including laura & jeff's conversation with a spunky old lady who came by. these will be on my facebook for all you facebook junkies.

after the sale, we made our way to the women's brunch where i won a fabulously stylish breast cancer awareness bracelet and laura won a post-it pad which we will eventually use for our lengthy grocery lists. while at the brunch, we again stuffed ourselves full of food - much to the disdain of our stomachs. laura & i then returned to her house where angel, the landscape artist, was finishing up on laura's lawn (complete with chainsaw). we took yet another picture to commemorate the event and then took a random shopping trip with the miller sisters. i then proceded to crash into a coma-like state due to my lack of sleep.

i awoke in time to go to game night at the ostendorff's (which might not be spelled correctly but is at least phonetically correct - i used to think it was osterhoff's) where i learned to play Settlers of Catan which is incredibly fun but i'm not so good at. a good time was had by all.

sunday included church, a much-needed load of laundry, another nap, and a 3 hour and 18 minute road trip to Bentonville to see laura's friend sarah in a choir/orchestra concert. i was most pleasantly surprised at the concert. i loved every minute i heard of it. and i could have heard more if not for the fact that we were 40 minutes late. but i have cd's to make up for the lost time. we listened to those on the way home. much night-drunkness ensued. we rocked out to some choral music and then threw in some old school point of grace, steven curtis chapman, dc talk, and aerosmith for good measure. laura took many pictures as evidence. they will also be on facebook.

i hope that your weekend was equally full of fun and frolicking.

2006-05-05T07:44:00.000-06:00

http://relevantmagazine.com/pc_article.php?id=7172

i read this article this morning and it was what i needed. it describes me perfectly - especially today. i like being in my own world. it's not that i don't like the company of others, it's that i don't like the company of strangers. i don't like it when store employees ask me if i'm finding everything alright. i enjoy self-checkouts. if i see someone i recognize but don't think they'll recognize me, i avoid eye contact with them altogether. weird huh?
i'm not what you would call a people-person. Therefore i simply avoid any circumstances which i think will make me uncomfortable. i think it's probably because i'm not used to dealing with conflict and want to prevent it at all costs. but not all interaction with other people involves conflict and even if it does i should not shy away from it. but i do. and this happens more than it should. and it bothers me that i'm this way. to live this way is to live a self-centered life which is the exact opposite of the Christ-centered life i should be striving to live.
a former pastor of mine used to say (not that he coined the phrase, he just used it often) that God was more interested in our character than our comfort. yet i seem to be entirely too interested in my own comfort. i hate the term "comfort zone" but i seem to be firmly attached to mine. so my new goal is to get out of it more often. or maybe even make it larger. so little things like retail employees and blind dates don't make me nervous.

2006-04-28T09:35:00.000-06:00

so i haven't posted in a few days so i thought i might. i have nothing to write about per se. so prepare yourself for a whole lot of nothing.

i saw my mother yesterday and she told me that my current hair color is "a big mistake". just when i was starting to like it...

a girl i work with has invited me to go to the electric cowboy with her & her friends tonight. i think she is of the opinion that i have no life nor do i have friends. while i will readily admit that i have no life, i still do not feel the need to gain one by going to the electric cowboy. clubs just aren't my style. i have no dance moves. i'm not the biggest fan of large crowds. it's a lose/lose situation for me. i've been trying to decide what excuse to use as to why i'm not going to be joining her tonight. but i think i've decided to just tell her the truth - even if it means admitting that i'm an old fogey.

simpler things make me happy. such as:

- a girl i work with gave me a nutty butty when i was starving yesterday
- my walk yesterday was 10 times better because i could smell honeysuckle the whole time
- myspace/xanga/blog comments
- Applebees cheese sticks with marinara + Mountain Dew to drink = AMAZING
- my new david crowder band cd
- going to movies

weddings and such

2006-04-24T12:18:00.000-06:00

what a weekend! this weekend proves that i am no longer able to do the things i did in college. i cannot function well with only a handful of hours of sleep each night. this weekend sara got married. i will not bore you with a play-by-play but i will point out a few of the more entertaining moments of the weekend.
first of all, my roommates and i road-tripped to murfreesboro thursday to start the decorating process. we left after work and got home around 3:30 a.m. the drive home was highlighted by the fact that whitney kayle ate a piece of pollen that she had mistaken for a crumb from her Twix. we spent the greater part of the ride home trying to convince her that she wasn't dying. it's funny to think of it now but it was even funnier at 2 a.m.
friday's entertaining event took place when my friend tommy decided to put out someone's cigarette with a fire extinguisher. what tommy did NOT know was that he was completely unaware of how to turn off the fire extinguisher. after many unsuccessful attempts, tommy ran down the stairs of the lodge towards the lake, did a couple of 360 degree turns shot-put style, and threw the fire extinguisher in the lake. it then occurred to all of us that the people who owned the lodge might be upset at the absence of their fire extinguisher. so, rather than force ryan to pay for the fire extinguisher, tommy retrieved it from the lake. again, much funnier at 1 a.m. the rest of that evening was spent making fun of cheesy, 70's christian network, tribulation/rapture films, seeing way too much of the boys hairy legs, and trying to keep the thermostat above 62. oh and the boys did have a dance party at the church while we were finishing up decorations. but don't worry, it was a methodist church so lightning didn't strike. methodists are cool like that.
the wedding was beautiful. it was short which made it even more beautiful. it was fun to spend time with people i haven't seen in a while, and to get to know people that i didn't know very well. the fun continued into saturday night when kaylan and krista came to visit from dallas. by this time i was highly frustrated with myself for not being able to fully function due to my lack of sleep. however, i was not too tired to enjoy a little more junk food, dance presentations by whitney & kaylan, and to join in singing on 'mississippi squirrel revival' for old time's sake.
so the weekend is over and i'm back at work. i feel as if i have still had no sleep. yet i feel so amazingly blessed to have been surrounded by so many friends in such a short period of time. i have the most amazing friends. i have had the most amazing weekend.
and to top it all off, Madea's Family Reunion is at the dollar theater.

2006-04-18T12:20:00.000-06:00

So apparently i'm in the minority about the can of water in the soup thing but at least i'm not completely crazy for FOLLOWING THE DIRECTIONS ON THE CAN...anyway...
While parusing msn.com i found this http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12071434/?GT1=7938 I filled out a survey yesterday (big shock) and one of the questions was, "Is there anyone you wish would fall off of the face of the earth?" and, at the moment, i couldn't think of anyone. But after reading this, i do believe i've changed my mind. The guy in charge of this group would be my answer. There are some people in this world that I honestly want to beg to quit calling themselves Christians and he is one of them. What kills me is that he does these atrocious things and doesn't even think he's saving the world by doing so. He actually says, "the time for repentence is over," which makes me question why he bothers making such a scene unless it's to make a name for himself. Few things make my blood boil but this is definitely one of them.
On a lighter note, I watched the new show 'What About Brian' last night because, based on the previews, I thought it would be a show I could relate to. It's about a guy whose group of friends is comprised of nothing but couples - with him as the exception of course. I loved the first ten minutes of the show because it included Brian emphatically informing his friends NOT to set him up with anymore random girls - that he was perfectly capable of finding his own dates. I think I even gave an audible 'amen' at the end of his little speech. It's not that I feel I am capable of 'finding' my own man, it's that I don't feel the need to have people put me into awkward situations in order to find someone to share my life with. I am friends with quite a few couples and none of them found each other by being forced into each other's company. Sometimes I'm almost offended that people want to fix me up with someone - as if they don't feel I am worthy of that same luxury. But of course I know this isn't true. They simply want me to experience what they have experienced and what they know I want to experience. But anyway back to the show... My commonalities with Brian ended when he hooked up with two different gitls before the end of the show - neither of which will be back for the next episode. I'm not applauding his one-night-stands or anything but they are definitely evidence that he has more game than I and therefore I can no longer claim that the two of us are all that similar. However, I will still be tuning in next week if, for no other reason, out of the minute excitement that comes from seeing Barry Watson play a part other than Matt Camden on 7th Heaven.
In other news, it is wicked hot here in Arkansas. It feels like August outside. Upper 90s and humidity you could cut with a knife. I wanted warmer weather but this is a bit extreme. My evening walks are starting to involve more sweat than I'm accustomed to. It's come to a point where I honestly don't think I'd mind if any of the 57 sprinklers that I pass would veer off of their path and shoot me in the face. This is extreme in that I hate water, but I especially hate water in my face.
Stay cool.

2006-04-13T08:16:00.000-06:00

it's become so very obvious to me in the past few days exactly how great God is and how good he has been through all of this...he has orchestrated each day so that no matter what crazy thing my mother tries to do, there is some kind person there to keep her from it...
for example, mom has picked out 80 pairs of shoes from a local shoe store that is going out of business...yes i said 80...she stayed at the shoe store from 9 a.m. tuesday morning to 7 p.m. tuesday evening (with a 2 hour break for lunch)...and the store closed at 6 p.m....at this point she only had 30 pair of shoes picked out and the employees kept her from buying them by shutting down the register at 6...she came back the next day and found more shoes to buy which brought the total to 80 pair...despite the fact that this purchase could have made their entire week, they told her that there was a limit of 5 pair purchased per day...
at this point i believe mom has only bought 5 pair although she intends to buy 5 more today...
right now my sister is with my mom and the minute they are alone she will confront her with all of this...she is the toughest of the three of us...
the shit hath hitteth the fan

2006-04-12T08:24:00.000-06:00

mental illness is a funny thing...(forgive the fact that i have not strayed from this topic in a while...it is pretty much all i have to write about)
most people don't understand mental illness and with good reason...for a long time it simply was not discussed and now there are so many medicines to keep it under control there most probably feel thereis no need to...
then there are the people who feel that mental illness isn't really an illness at all...the people (who sadly are people of faith) who maintain that depression is a result of a person's lack of faith...
yet my mother's problem is different...at this point, she is not depressed at all...she is high on life...happy as a clam...she is planning programs and buying 32 pairs of shoes at one time...and to the average onlooker she may seem completely normal...or just like your average slightly-cooky old lady...the only people who realize what is going on are the people who are closest to her...
we know her to be frugal so we are alarmed at her spending over $400 on shoes for herself...we know her to be neat and clean and very concerned with the appearance of her home so it freaks us out that there are papers and clothes strewn all over her apartment...and, as sad as this sounds, we know her to not get too excited or happy about much of anything and so it even freaks us out that she is giddy and so upbeat...
i understand that all of this sounds strange to someone who has never experienced it...or to someone who doesn't know my mother well enough to realize that this is abnormal behavior...my friends don't really know what to say to me...i think that they think i'm bothered for no reason...that this isn't such a big deal...for this reason, i'm trying not to even talk about the situation with them...yet that goes against my very nature...i have an overwhelming need to talk about things...especially these type of things...which is perhaps why i am typing away right now about the subject...
on the upside, this has also been a time of bonding for my sisters and i...we talk almost every day so we can keep each other updated on what's going on...for once we all seem to be on the same page about things...they are the only ones that can truly understand the situation...
the mental hospital may be on the agenda in the near future...i hope this can be avoided...

forever & a day

2006-04-10T09:34:00.000-06:00

ok so it's been forever since i've posted on any of my sites but i feel the need to update this one because my last post here was so depressing...sorry about that...
my mom is still in her manic phase...she feels that she has all of the answers to life's questions and solutions to all of life's problems...in the last few weeks she has attempted to do the following: reconnect her and my sisters' churches which split 5 years ago, convince me to move home to live with her in her new house, hook me up with a guy that she knows is perfect for me, yelled at my sister, and stood up in church to announce she had 4 points to add to the sermon. She let me know again last night that she has been misdiagnosed with bipolar. Little does she know at this point that she is the poster child for bipolar...
saturday was a fun night with friends. to be perfectly honest, i felt completely on my game that night...my jokes went over well...we all laughed and laughed hard...a couple of people even made the comment that my new red hair had made me a little crazier than normal...it was an awesome night...and then, as i thought back on the events of the evening, i wondered if my more-hyper-than-normal behavior could be my own personal manic phase...again all of the events of the past few weeks have heightened my fear that i will inherit my mother's disorder...maybe i was just lovin' life saturday night...i sure hope so...
ok i need to end this and run to lunch but before i do i want to comment on my last post's "woe is me i'm single" aspect. i read this last night and it exhibited my feelings on being single perfectly:
"'Just anyone' could never make me happy (at least for more than about a week, typically), and so -- I would rather walk on my own. But it ached a little."
truthfully, i would rather walk on my own than be in a relationship that's not right...it does ache...i do wonder if it will ever happen...sometimes i am tempted to hurl myself at the wrong relationship just for some temporary companionship...i hope God keeps me from making a mistake like that...

2006-03-27T09:56:00.000-06:00

i've decided to do something a bit different with this blog...i usually write the same thing on all 3 but it seems a bit ridiculous...and right now i'm feeling the need to blog about things that that do not need to be read by some of the people who read my other blogs and seeing as how almost no one reads this one, i feel safe in recording my thoughts here...i'd like to think i haven't truly 'ranted' here as the title of my blog states but today i might...so here goes
the last week has been interesting...my oldest and most melodramatic sister informed me (as she's always good to do) that she believes that my mother is manic again...now this particular sister tends to think this way often...i'd say every other month or so...but this time, my more level headed sister agrees. this means business. my mother has been bipolar my whole life - to the extent that i sometimes wonder if my being born caused it (being helped along by the fact that it runs in the family). it's only been in the last 5-7 years that the illness has been rearing its ugly head on occasion. i hate it when it does. but sometimes i wonder why. mom feels perfectly fine when she's manic. she's in no pain. she's not sad really. it's the rest of us that suffer. things get tense between my sister and i. so in that sense, i feel a bit guilty and maybe a bit selfish that so much of my life for the past 7 years has been spent praying for God to keep her sane. it's for my benefit more than it is for hers.
so mom's manic. we're hoping it's been caught early. and, of course, i'm doing my usual pray-every-time-i-think-of-it, beg-and-plead-to-god-to-make-her-better thing. and it has, of course, occurred to me that God might have every intention of using this to teach me something - in which case i'm sure that it will not end soon. and, as if to confirm that fact, i get an email from kaylan this morning that says "God is more interested in your character than your comfort." dang...it makes me feel so...i don't know...weak, stupid, ungrateful. because i've been blessed in more ways than i can possibly convey and yet one bad thing comes along and i beg for God to take it away. i'm a wuss...
i don't know if it's because of the aforementioned drama or for another reason altogether, but this past week was also a time when i was reminded of my singleness and did not exactly feel like rejoicing in it (these times are rare these days so i figure i'm allowed) . on friday my roommates and i went to memphis to see the guys play. i got all cute and had a good time seeing people i haven't seen in a while. but all in all, i felt invisible. as if no one (especially anyone of the male persuasion) truly cared that i was there. and that feeling was immediately followed by the thought "ruth if you're this insecure, it's no wonder that you're alone."

i don't mean to be so negative. i know God is in control. i know that it's ridiculous to worry about my mom because He's in control of her life and mine. I know i should continue to pray and cling to him when i feel helpless. i know that if he wills that i find someone and fall in love someday that i will and that if he doesn't that he will give me peace about that. i know all of these things. yet sometimes my heart doesn't listen. but i know tomorrow will be a better day. hopefully i will retreat less into my thoughts and live more in the here and now.

2006-03-17T22:03:00.000-06:00

perhaps i'm behind on the christian music scene so forgive my delayed excitement...i heard this song today on my way to work and felt the need to share...this is awesome...if you figured out it was awesome weeks ago, good for you...if you don't think it's awesome...i don't understand...

Which Jesus do you follow?Which Jesus do you serve?If Ephesians says to imitate ChristThen why do you look so much like the world?
Cause my Jesus bled and diedHe spent His time with thieves and liarsHe loved the poor and accosted the arrogantSo which one do you want to be?Blessed are the poor in spiritOr do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand
Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sinsHe spent His time with thieves and sluts and liarsHe loved the poor and accosted the richSo which one do you want to be?
Who is this that you followThis picture of the American dreamIf Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side or fall down and worship at His holy feetPretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexionIs how you see Him as He dies for Your sinsBut the Word says He was battered and scarredOr did you miss that partSometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him
Cause my Jesus bled and diedHe spent His time with thieves and the least of theseHe loved the poor and accosted the comfortableSo which one do you want to be?
Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my churchThe blood and dirt on His feet would stain the carpetBut He reaches for the hurting and despised the proudI think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowdAnd I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud
I want to be like my Jesus!I want to be like my Jesus!Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my JesusYou see I'm tired of living for success and popularityI want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means to be like You JesusCause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for meCan I be like You Jesus?I want to be like my Jesus

2006-03-11T23:31:00.000-06:00

different songs remind me of different people...is everybody this way or just me? my ipod is full of random music (can i get an amen?) so i thought it'd be fun to let people know which songs on it remind me of who...yet another fun insight into my crazy head...
Whitney M- I'll Make a Man out of You from the Mulan Soundtrack, Shackles by Mary Mary, Lady Marmalade, Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?, Revolution by Kirk Franklin, Make Us One
Laura W - Dancing Queen, Rent Soundtrack, On the Street Where You Live from My Fair Lady, and anything by Michael Jackson
Jennifer - One Pure & Holy Passion
Laura P - Stars & the Moon, I've Still Got My Health, all things Sandi Patty
Sean B - Under You, Istanbul not Constantinople by They might be Giants
Jeremy - Good Ol' Days
Matt T - Drops of Jupiter
Corley M. - Golden Girls Theme
Jordan - Shirley Q Liquor soundclip on Star Trek
Rebecca Zr - Oh How The Years Go By, Carrying the Banner from Newsies, everything else from Newsies...and Mama Mia
My Dad - Fly Away, Homesick, I'll Be Seeing You, How Great is Our God
Elise - I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
Kendall K - anything by John Mayer or Josh Groban or Shirley Q Liquor or Celine Dion...and all instrumental soundtrack music
Suite 307-309 Crew - Thank You by Kelly Jones, Take Ya Home by Lil Bow Wow, Dream On by Aerosmith, Always Be My Home by Rachel Lampa
Tiffany - Girl on TV and Summer Girls by LFO, Goodbye Earl - Dixie Chicks, Orange Colored Sky by Natalie Cole, Stickshifts & Safetybelts by Cake
Heath - Always on Your Side by Sheryl Crow and anything by Sister Hazel (i've got it all)
John D. - Free Bird, Hotel California
Tommy A - Livin' on a Prayer
Richie - I just Died in Your Arms Tonight
Jonathan H - If I Had a Million Dollars
Kaylan - Awakening by Sara Groves, Mississippi Squirrel Revival, all things Nichole Nordeman
Stuart - I would walk 500 Miles
The Band Boys - With or Without You, Spin, Where the Streets Have No Name, and all their own stuff
Emily - It's Rainin' Men
Holly - Concrete by Plumb, all of the Runaway Bride Soundtrack, Goodbye Earl, Arise my Love, Sweet Tea by Craven Melon
Sara - The Trolley Song from Meet Me In St. Louis
Zo - For the Moments I feel Faint
Michael R - Blessing in the Thorn, Coconuts soundclip from Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail
Michael N - Smile and all things George Strait (and Little Cabin in the Woods...even though it's not on my ipod)
Family - White Christmas soundtrack and some old school kid music that i will not name so as not to embarrass myself, The Lord Bless You & Keep You
Whitney B - the Rent soundtrack

2006-03-10T16:47:00.000-06:00

i wanted to add something to the quote in the last post...ok so i said there were no words, but i thought of some...like any of you are surprised...
the whole point of the quote was that Jesus was revolutionary...but i wonder how people will read this...i also wonder how it was meant to be read by the author (he was after all writing it a while ago)...having the mindset that i do, i read it to mean that Jesus lived the kind of life that challenged the norm...he inspired a new way of living...and this way of living was revolutionary and made him quite a few enemies...but these enemies were not in the government...and they weren't among the typical "sinners" of his day...they were the religious...the church of his day...they were his biggest enemy
it seems so ironic to me that so many people who would tell you that they are trying to live Christ-like lives do so by opposing the government's stand on this or that or by refusing to associate with those living a "sinful" lifestyle...its' ironic because Jesus never seemed to do either of these...his life was revolutionary but it was not obnoxious

2006-03-05T22:36:00.000-06:00

so home was good...saturday was spent in awe of the massive amount of stuff that still remains in my mother's house...i limited the things i brought back with me to a shoe box...i am torn between being the packrat that i know is in my genes and the rational person who sees what being a packrat gets you after 50 years...in one box i found, not one, but two vienna sausage can wrappers that looked like they were from the 60s or 70s and judging by the other contents of the box they probably were...
yet among the mass of yellowed obituaries of people i have never known and heloise column cut-outs, i found an excerpt from a study written by john mcclanahan...i'm sure this name means nothing to anyone outside of pine bluff and maybe most of the people in it...i only know the man because after he retired from preaching he would substitute teach at pine bluff high school where i'm sure he was needlessly harrassed in his old age...i personally hated the days he substituted because he not only made us do work, he tried to teach us (which as well all know is a cardinal sin...substitutes are supposed to easy-work-lecture-free-days)...yet on this random newspaper clipping, john mcclanahan made a statement that i imagine was quite radical for his day (again probably 60s or 70s)...and it made me quite proud to have known the man...and i decided to share:

"Many of us have seen only in one way Jesus Christ and the life of discipleship to which he calls. Thus, he is the meek Gailiean, loving little children, healing the sick, and generally going about doing good...
"Those who see Jesus only in this way expect of his followers gentle lives of easygoing, pew-cushioned piety. Christian people are expected to be decent, clean, respectable, bland individuals who are more adept in planning receptions that in queling riots. Christianity thus becomes essentially a harmless, irrelevant religion for polite, respectable society; and the church becomes only a good club, nothing more...
"Jesus so countered the power structure of his day that eventually he was executed. He was killed not because he was too religious but because he was too revolutionary."

to which i say "wow" and can say no more because it would seem pale

2006-03-04T00:14:00.000-06:00

i now understand why donald miller said that guys get bonus points for having a copy of pride & prejudice on their bookshelf...it may be the most irrational love story ever conceived but it most definitely is beautiful...and while i can't be cool and say i've read the book, i can say that i saw the movie tonight and it was everything i knew it would be...
yet in all its glory, it has not helped make the list that i've promised my coworkers that i would compose...they want me to make a list of what i want in a guy...i told them that they'd be sorry because the list would be too long...partly because i'm picky and partly because getting a man is not on my agenda...and yet the list is measley at this point because i can't think of more than 5 decent things to put on it...however, i think even those 5 might be enough to twart any plans they may have to set me up with anyone...which would be a success...
tomorrow i am off to see the family...dog in tow...
any suggestions for my list would be welcome...

2006-02-28T12:29:00.000-06:00

life has been good to me lately...while God is always good, life is not...but lately it has treated me well...i say this and search for some wood to knock on...i feel like i say this all the time and that it sounds cheesy but i spent way too much of my life only writing down the negative parts of it and i guess maybe i'm trying to even the score...
sunday night was one of those hallmark nights...one where my friends and i sat around my living room and talked about things...real things...important things...time got away from us, we forgot to eat (but don't you worry, we worked a taco bell run into things later) and i didn't watch grey's anatomy and i got so little sleep i was sick as a dog the next day...all well worth the time we had...it was one of those times that God undoubtedly orchestrated which made it all the more beautiful...
it seemed almost ironic when the conversation i had with my mother on monday centered around friendship as well...what broke my heart is that it centered around her lack of them...her friend and companion of 52 years is gone now...and she's having to re-learn how to be a single woman and make friends...it breaks my heart to think of my mother being without friends...mine are such an integral part of my life...pray my mother finds a friend and that i can encourage her and love her in the way she needs...
all around me are things encouraging me to live each day to its fullest...it's a concept that the timid person in me wants to embrace...RENT says "no day but today" and "forget regret or life is yours to miss"...and the current cd in my cd player says "i thank God for another day, another chance to love the ones i love...to find my way, to laugh, to dance and watch the sun come up...another day i get to live as if every breath will be the last i take"...
i think...i hope i'm beginning to get the point...

2006-02-23T09:55:00.000-06:00

note to self - don't mention dad in posts...people won't leave comments because it freaks them out
yesterday i had a patient tell me i was long-winded...all who know me know this to be true but this lady didn't know me...isn't it funny how old people lose their inhibitions? i say that...but today a girl i work with told me i look contaminated and like i belong on a nyquil commercial...she attributes her honesty to her being from the north...i just tend to appreciate honesty no matter where it comes from these days...and even if it's someone telling me i talk too much and look like crap...
speaking of crap, it's what i feel like today...sinuses are funny things...i basically feel like i'm walking around with a weight on my face and with my head in a cloud...hence the 'contaminated' comment...
oh and here's a random thing for you...yesterday a guy was caught trying to steal a sheep from the little rock zoo...honestly, what possesses a man to steal a sheep? the only answers that immediately come to mind are too disturbing to mention...
it has occurred to me that i don't write many things on here of any importance...i must come up with something poignant to write...but not today because that will only make my head hurt worse...

my computer works...and so does my camera

2006-02-22T20:57:00.000-06:00

for all who haven't met him...this is elvis...

ice and grey's anatomy

2006-02-20T09:19:00.000-06:00

so i spent the weekend snowed in with a friend...i took my mutt to her house where he played with her mutts and we had good conversation and way too much junk food...the fun also included movie watching because she had no cable including me staying up until 2 a.m. sunday morning watching 'the return of the king' because i am completely incapable of falling asleep during a movie...even one i've seen before that's 3 hours long...
i returned to my apartment and the land of cable and internet sunday afternoon despite the ice...and prayed fervantly that there would be enough ice left on the roads to keep my office closed today...
and then there's grey's anatomy...a must in my weekend routine...i am completely shameless in my love for television...and my love for george o'malley...he is the best really...and last night he did what i hoped he wouldn't do for as long as the show has been on the air...he professed his love for meredith...i swear i turned red when he did it...i expected her to stumble over some words and tell him 'thanks but no thanks'...i DID NOT expect her to take his shirt off...she should be slapped...repeatedly...and i like her...i do...she's on thin ice with me this week though...i'm sure she'll lose quite a bit of sleep over this...
i've also started reading another book..."the long goodbye" by patti davis...and no i'm not trying to depress myself...it's actually not depressing to me about someone else losing their dad to alzheimer's...it's comforting really...to read her words and know exactly what she means...i'm honestly hoping that it jogs memories of my dad...not ones of him sick but of better times...it bothers me that i'm having trouble recalling those better times these days...
so my snow dance didn't work and i am having to work today...oh well...

mcyeah

2006-02-13T15:23:00.000-06:00

once again the weekend is over...they seem to go by so quickly...time flies when you're having fun...there was your typical laziness on saturday morning followed by a night at church in maumelle (church on saturday, how scandalous) which was followed by the most amazing italian food ever in conway...i even proved that i am still capable of engaging in witty banter as i left alvin speechless on a few occasions...sunday involved church (no i'm not trying for bonus points, just still trying to figure things out) as well as awesome mexican food and my own personal 'what not to wear' consulation with laura j weaver...not that you wanted a recap of my weekend but you got one anyway...
so a couple of people have commented on the church thing...thanks...i'm still torn...i've been to places with awesome music, places with a great community atmosphere, and i've heard some great sermons...yet it always seems like the place where i like the music and/or the sermon, i feel no sense of community...or i sense that it will be difficult to be involved there...anyway...or i feel a sense of community and that it would be easy to get involved but the preaching is just ok...anyway...enough of that...
in other news, elvis is equally afraid of the hand-held dirt devil as he is the actual vacuum cleaner...actually he's just scared of anything that's loud...what can i say? my dog's a wuss...and today i have proven that my willpower is nonexistent because i have partaken in the coke brought by the drug rep AND the chocolate brought a patient...and on a somewhat deeper note, i feel that i am very good at being single and not so good at being in a relationship
and that's all for now

snow & olympics

2006-02-10T16:10:00.000-06:00

IT'S SNOWING!!! it's not even sticking but it's snowing...and this makes me happy...a guy from west virginia came in today and remarked how arkansans freak out over 2 inches of snow when he has eleven inches back home...this is true...but i'm glad that we arkansans get excited about snow...i'm sure west virginians don't....
the olympics start tonight which also excites me...it doesn't take much...i will, undoubtedly, watch the games frequently and act like an expert on the sports i watch the most often...it's the inner-athlete in me that never got a chance to break free...if you really want to get me pumped up, put on celine dion's power of a dream...
it's the little things in life...

a few thoughts

2006-02-08T21:53:00.000-06:00

a few thoughts...
kelly clarkson won a grammy...i'm pumped
for the past few nights i've had the uncontrollable desire to go to bed before 10:00...this must be stopped...
i really like bullet points
elvis chewed an xbox controller the other day...he really needs to get a job...not only to keep him occupied, but to pay for what he ruins
i find two things unbelievably difficult: getting out of bed when the alarm goes off and exercising...if anyone has any suggestions, send them my way...
i still haven't figured out where i'm going to go to church...this is a frustrating process...if anyone has any suggestions on how to take 2 or 3 churches and mesh them into one, i'm wide open for those too
the twins on american idol are obnoxious...it is my sincere hope that they leave soon....
my job may have absolutely nothing to do with my two degrees, but i like it anyway...
and that's all for now....

for the sake of posting

2006-02-03T13:20:00.000-06:00

it occurred to me that, while i get so bothered when other people don't post on their blog/xanga/myspace often, i haven't posted in quite some time...so even though i have virtually nothing to write about, i will write anyway...so i have no idea what's coming next...hold on to your pantyhose...
my friend wants me to join a kickball league...while this will undoubtedly return me to the humiliation of elementary school, i think it could be some serious fun...as long as no one takes it too seriously...
i am quite bored at work this morning...as is obvious by my ability to write this post...
chris, the echo tech here, told me this morning he knows of a devout catholic friend who has a statue of mary that cries continuously...he has seen this statue and, while he is skeptical of the tears, he has seen them and believes them to be real...now i have always been taught that these type things are just made up...but i don't think chris is lying...so i asked him why he thinks God would choose to make this statue of mary into a miracle statue...i guess i just think that God wouldn't choose to make a miracle out of something unless He has good reason...any thoughts?
overall i must say, for all who care, that my life is good...it's good to be happy...to be content...to talk to God often...to not be in the constant state of worry and contemplative thought that used to be my life...someone please remind me of this the next time i start to go there...
and if anyone could share with me how to put actual links over to the right, that would be great...

pictures

2005-11-08T21:48:00.000-06:00

Here's some pictures of me & my friend whitney....i thought they were fun...

something to chew on

2005-11-01T16:34:00.000-06:00

In America, it is hard to distinguish Christianity from its social and cultural setting. It blends into the scenery. Many people assume that we live in a "Christian society." Obviously, the Christian church has no strong witness against society. In [a communist country], the situation is exactly the opposite. Christians there live under a political regime which makes a point of distinguishing itself from all religion, and which is grounded philosophically on atheism and materialism. The Church lives in a hostile social order. The result is that the weak Christians are weeded out, and the strong Christians are tremendously strengthened by adversity. ... Thomas C. Oden (b.1931) in Christian Advocate

So I read this today and wanted to share. i'll try to stay off of my own personal soapbox here...well maybe not...
while this is an older quote i feel it has relevance today...i'm sure that people don't necessarily deem America as a "Christian Society" but Christianity is interwoven into the fabric of our culture...that is undeniable...and that, is what many Christians find comforting and are fighting so desperately to maintain...yet i feel that this battle is fought needlessly...why are we trying so desperately to make the United States a "Christian Society"? Oh i'm sure that many would answer with the typical "because this country was founded upon Christian principles" line and i won't touch that issue here...but why do we fight so desperately to have our government and our society embrace our faith? other Christians around the world, like those spoken of in this quote, are not free as we are to worship and believe as we wish...they are, at the very least, ridiculed, and at the worst, killed...as Christians, they are the stronger ones...
why don't we teach our kids to pray in school - over their meal, around the flagpole, in group Bible Studies - and not constantly fight for legislation that will allow a prayer to be said over a loudspeaker once a day...why don't we learn and, better yet, exemplify the Ten Commandments rather than pitch a fit when the words are removed from a government building...and, while i believe with all of my heart that abortion should be illegal because it is murder, why don't we spend more time encouraging, loving, and befriending young, unwed mothers instead of waving signs around abortion clinics and lobbying Congress?
we will probably always be the weaker Christians because of the blessing of freedom we have in this country...but seriously...it almost embarrasses me...but before i get too haughty, i remind myself that i am part of the problem...

back again

2005-10-18T13:09:00.000-06:00

ok so i'm back into this stuff...i have a xanga
http://www.xanga.com/ruthiepoo3
so don't read both though cause i'm liable to copy & paste when i'm not feeling too creative...for instance.....

so i haven't posted in a few days so i thought i would share a few random thoughts...
elvis (my basset hound) has developed the cute/annoying habit of wanting to take anything i give him outside to play with it...this is cute in that he will stand at the door & even jump up on it to let me know that he wants to take this new toy outside...it becomes annoying when i let him back in and he doesn't bring the toy with him...this means that i must enter our backyard which has not been mowed in months and try to search what is the branson equivalent of the amazon rain forest for these toys so that he may amuse himself with them indoors on occasion...
my new car is way too nice and a feel like a brat because i have it
i am really wanting to see elizabethtown but i am torn...some people say it's horrible and some people say it's good...what to do?? anybody else seen it?
awesome meal idea: roll ham & cheese up in crescent rolls....cook...freakin' awesome...
and, lastly, a deeper thought than the above:
"Never allow yourself this thought, 'I am of no use where I am,' because you certainly cannot be used where you have not been placed." --Oswald Chambers

Update from Trumann

2004-11-24T13:09:00.000-06:00

This past week I have worked at the Trumann clinic and it has not been lacking in entertainment. People in this town don't even know their own phone numbers. And if they do their phones are disconnected almost immediately after they leave so there is still no way of contacting them. One lady called this morning to ask us to give her the phone number of the patient she talked with in the waiting room yesterday. We had to explain to her that, this may be a small town but that was still against the law.
The lack of patients has given me the opportunity to write today even though I obviously have nothing to write about. Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I am very excited although I am slightly uneasy about the fact that my sister has been put in charge of both turkey & dressing for tomorrow and seeing as how that is my favorite part of the meal, I'm not sure I'm ok with it. My only hope is that she does not decide to get creative with the dressing.
I love Thanksgiving because I love being with my family. For that day we just are excited to be in each other's company. It's not like Christmas when the togetherness is overshadowed by who got whom what. We just eat, play games, watch movies, and of course we talk. We are a talking bunch, my family and I. All this to say that I am very happy that tomorrow is Thanksgiving. It is my favorite holiday. I may not agree wholeheartedly with all of my family's thoughts & ideas, but I truly enjoy spending time with them, especially during the holidays.

question

2004-10-29T21:36:00.000-06:00

What would you think if you came home to an empty house one day and every light in your house was on, two out of three televisions were blaring, random boxes of craft supplies were blocking your path, a blender was sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor and the whole apartment reeked of burnt cheese dip?
Would you think that maybe you had been robbed or that someone that hates you had ransacked your house? You might think that, if you've never lived with my roommate.

I've got this blog...now what to do with it?!

2004-10-29T10:29:00.000-06:00

Lately, I have found myself emersed in the blogs of others, so I decided to make my own. Knowing myself, I realize that I will most likely post a few things here at first and slowly but surely slack off from it until I throw something up once every few months when I get bored. Oh well, hopefully it will be fun while it lasts. More later....